Monday, October 06, 2014
Getting a Kick out of Kickstarter
My oh my.
So, it turns out that there are a lot of creative, artistic dreamers out there looking for a good kickstart. And, some of them are outrageously untalented, no matter how creative and dreamy they may be. I won't name names or give links, because who am I to rain on anyone's project parade -- or, really, to disparage anyone's dream? If they can find backers, then more power to them and God bless. But, still . . . it can be quite an amusing adventure to wade the congested waters of project proposals, whether they're sublime or absurd.
The best part -- the ABSOLUTE best part -- is to look over the tiered rewards. I cannot decide whether my favorite one is the artist who promises that for $200 he would give you two front row tickets to one of his concerts that were certain to come should his album project be fully funded and he became as famous as he was surely about to be OR the musician who promised she would become an ordained minister and officiate your wedding, should you scrounge up $5000.
So, I am toying with my own kickstarter project. Not through Kickstarter, of course. They have rules and stuff. Nope, I'll just do it on my own, through my very popular blog. You see, I've written a few songs, and I think the showcase among them is one called "Tabby Dreams" -- at least, that is the one my husband brings up most often to mock me. He should not mock me; the song is not just about my tabbies, but also about Boudicca; mock Boudicca at your peril! In homage to the erstwhile comic strip Bloom County, I shall call my first album project Tabby Dreams and Stranger Things. The six or seven songs will be mostly about animals*, and all will be played (very poorly, indeed) on guitar by yours truly. The singing may or may not be on key. The rewards, though, will be amazing!
For $5, I will plant a pea vine in my garden and name it after you.
For $10, I will cut the letters of your name out of various printed sources and mail you a collage of my creation.
For $25, I will send you one page of my daughter's Latin workbook.
For $50, I will mail you a live tadpole. And a tank ambience rock. (tank not included)
For $100, I will glue together a pasta portrait of your visage or Vincent Van Gogh's -- your choice!
For $250, I will eat the large helmet sundae at Safeco Field and send you a video of it.
For $500, I will rename one of my cats after you. (Limit 2)
For $1000, I will write you a poem in Latin that totally kind of rhymes and might be grammatically correct and make some sort of sense.
For $2000, I will tell you a secret that I have never told anyone.
For $3000, I will knit you a sweater out of my cats' hair.
For $5000, I will root for your favorite NFL team for an entire season and wear the team jersey while I watch every game. This will be done at great personal sacrifice (I hate football), but that is the kind of intense musical artist I am.
You will notice that not one of these rewards actually includes sending you my music or playing it for you in any way. That is because they are rewards, not punishments.
My goal is $100, 000. I estimate that this project will be completed NEVER. And I shall cancel it if not fully funded by October 6, 2014 at 3 PM, PST. So, get on it, people!
*So far the song list, in addition to the eponymous "Tabby Dreams," will include "The Duck Song," "The Dog Song," and a few that I haven't written yet about bunnies and squirrels and such. Also, there is a blues song about Latin grammar that I am sure will thrill and might be included as a bonus track.